And just like any normal human being, I get this tingling feeling inside once in awhile, when a girl (yes, I'm straight) makes me feel like, in the words of Boys like Girls, "Hey, you know, this could be something".
I can't remember how many girls I've had a crush on in my life. Not because there are too many of them, but more because I don't really see the point of keeping a tally of crushes.
Each of them differs from one another and it wouldn't be fair to just group them altogether like that. Some are just flashes, some last longer than others, some I can't explain why, two turn into the real thing.
I know that most of you are still shell-shocked at the fact that a guy like me can possibly date. But it's true. In fact, I don't mean to brag (I do) but I'm 2-for-2 so far in asking girls out.
Not that having a 100% success rate is something I worry about when approaching girls, it's just that I can't stand failure. I'd get extremely and visibly upset if I fail to do something I'm determined to. So when it comes to girls, unless I am 100% sure she'd say yes to my request, I won't even think about asking her out.
With this better-safe-than-getting-denied approach, I usually take a lot of time getting to know my target. Before I can get a read on the girl and know for sure she's somewhat into me, I will absolutely never go out of my way to show my hand. I guess I'm pretty good at this, thanks to my exposure to poker.
On one hand, this approach allows me to be in control of my romantic adventures, emotionally speaking. What I mean by that is, for example, if I'm really into this girl and she doesn't show any indication that she's interested, it won't really bother me as much since I haven't really invested that much emotionally either. If she does, then great, time to step it up.
And boy, there are few better feelings on this planet than knowing your crush is also into you.
On the other hand, this approach has cost me dearly as well. My first real "romantic relationship" (calling it a "relationship" might be a stretch, hence the quotation marks) ended thanks in large part to me being a bit too unassertive in expressing my feelings toward her. Distance played some role, too, but the main culprit was me.
When I'm single, the worst part of this wait-and-see approach comes when my target also employs a similar approach. I'm almost positive I've been in this sort of situation more than once, and I just couldn't break out of my mold to make a move on my target. Then again, she didn't either. So it's all good.
Anyway, coming back to the title of this post, I just want to clarify that even though I'm currently not in a relationship, I'm by no means in what they call "hunting mode". If the right fit comes, then so be it. If not, I'll happily just move along with my life. Desperation equals emotional weakness, and I don't tolerate emotional weakness.
Lately, though, there's this one girl whom I've been thinking about quite a bit. The chances of me and her working out are slim for a variety of reasons, but I can't deny the fact that she's been on my mind for the past few weeks.
She's cute, that's for sure. But more importantly, to me at least, she has a drive, a concrete goal that she is willing to go the extra mile to achieve. That is something all of my previous crushes have in common.
As you might have guessed, I have yet to show her any indication that I'm attracted to her, apart from a few text messages and small talks. We won't see each other again until after Tet holiday, so chances are this could be another flash crush. But then again, we will definitely see each other, so there could still be something.
I don't have any stand-out features that can make a good first impression on girls. There's nothing special about my appearance, I don't work out, I don't use flowery language, I don't have pick-up lines at the ready. The first impression of me, to most girls, is that I'm a quiet and somewhat weird person. And I don't mind that, since it's somewhat true.
But if I can get my target to talk to me a few times, just the two of us, magic tends to happen. And I'm speaking from history. I'm terrible at making a good first impression, but certainly adept at leaving a lasting one.
Normally, stories about my love life are mostly confidential, some even classified as top-secret. But in the spirit of Valentine's Day as well as my inability to think of a different topic, I decide that this could be a nice change of pace from my usual ramblings about socio-political things, stuff some of you don't really give a crap about.
And yes, also because it's 10 p.m. on freaking Valentine's Day and I'm just sitting around in my room having nothing else better to do.
I do have my Valentine, though, in case you're curious. I asked her out this afternoon, and she said yes. Here's a beautiful photo of me and her together:
